So not really on the same topic as your post, but I found this today and I just can’t resist sharing. Mrs. Agathe’s dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told him, “I’ll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll mail you the check. Oh, and by the way…don’t worry about my Doberman. He won’t bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT under ANY circumstances talk to my parrot!” When the repairman arrived at Mrs. Agathe’s apartment the next day, he discovered the biggest and meanest looking Doberman he had ever seen. But just as she had said, the dog simply laid there on the carpet, watching the repairman go about his business. However, the whole time the parrot drove him mad with his incessant swearing and screeching. Finally the repair man couldn’t contain himself any longer and yelled, “Shut up, you stupid ugly bird!” To which the parrot replied, “Get him, Spike!”

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Brian

Submitted  13/9/2010

The Flagpole

Two physicist were attempting to measure the height of a flagpole. After much messing about and head scratching they finally asked a passing surveyor who they knew to help them. He apologised and said that he had not got his surveying equipment with him. A few minutes later an engineer drove up and asked what the problem was. Quickly grasping the problem he took a spanner out of his boot(trunk), unfastened the holding bolts and lowered the flagpole to the ground. Getting a tape measure out he took notes and then raised and fixed the flagpole. Turning to the physicists he told them that flagpole was 8.5 metres long. He then walked away.

One physicist turned to the other one and said “Typical stupid engineer, I asked for the height and he’s given me the length.

Sorry about that. The original was two Irishmen and a passing blonde, but it reminded me of the problems engineers have with physicists.

Brian

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From Margaret.

An elderly man in North Carolina had owned a large farm for several
years.
He had a large pond in the back, fixed up really nice, along with some picnic tables,
horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t
been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to
bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting
and laughing with glee.

When he came closer, he realized it was a bunch of young women swimming naked in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end to shield themselves.
One of the women shouted to him, “We’re not coming out until you leave!”
The old man frowned and replied, “I didn’t come down here to watch you
ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.” Holding the bucket up he said, “I’m here to feed the alligator.

“Moral of the story: Old men may move slow but can still think fast.